


Irritating Isidur

by Lady_Dixon



Category: Original Work
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Comedy, Other, The Author Regrets Nothing, This Is STUPID
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-22
Updated: 2018-04-22
Packaged: 2019-04-26 07:02:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14396784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_Dixon/pseuds/Lady_Dixon
Summary: Four goblins sneak into a dragon's cave and steal its gold.What happens next?





	Irritating Isidur

Four goblins crept into the cave that appeared to be carved by some giant creature into the side of the steep hill, coughing on the black smoke that hung thickly in the air.

"Don't drop it!" One of them cried in an Irish accent.

"Stop worrying, Paddykest," the female goblin replied. "Everything will be fine."

They walked further into the cave, trying not to drop the delicious rabbit steak and minty potatoes that sat upon a golden plate which they held between the four of them. The goblins managed to approach the dragon without making too much noise as they walked over the vast hoard of glittering gold treasure upon which the dragon slept. Its scales were aqua blue that went well with the gold that dominated the cave interior. The mud brown of the goblin's skin clashed awfully with both the gold and the blue, not that they really cared. They set the plate down carefully before examining the dragon.

"How are we gonna wake him up?" The female, Nixxle, asked.

"Like this," Paddykest said and jabbed the dragon hard with the large stick he was carrying, then proceeding to wack it over the dragon's head. The dragon woke up and let out an almighty roar, baring its curved fangs and spreading its wings.

"WHO DARES ENTER THE CAVE OF ISIDUR?!" It demanded, its loud and deep voice echoing off the cave walls.

All four goblins bowed respectfully, Paddykest hiding the stick he had just whacked the dragon over the head with. "Oh, great and powerful Isidur, we mean no disrespect by this intrusion. We just wish to bring you an offering." Klozzik, one of the other goblins, held up the plate for Isidur to see. Isidur inspected the food carefully for a moment.

"Very well," it said. "You may leave now."

Paddykest nodded. "Of course, your scalyness." He nodded to Klozzik, who put the plate down again, before they turned and headed for the exit walking very slowly. 

"AWAY WITH YOU!" Isidur bellowed, causing all four goblins to jump before sprinting out of the cave. They didn't stop running until they were halfway down the hill, near where they had parked their horse and cart. There, they nearly keeled over from moving so fast. 

"Well," Hukput panted, "that was interesting."

"You don't say," Nixxle replied sarcastically.

"Shut up," Paddykest snapped as he straightened up. The others fell silent and they all listened.

Soon, the throaty and rough snores sounded from the dragon. Paddykest shot them a grin. "I told you that sleeping potion would work. Now, let's grab us some gold." They cheered before rushing inside, not caring how much noise they made as the treasurer clanged and clattered under their feet as they sprinted down the mountain of gold. Their hands greedily snatched up whatever caught their eye before stuffing it into their black sacks. Klozzik wandered close to the dragon, easily lifting it up to see what treasure it was hiding under its belly. He gasped in awe before excitedly calling the others over. They gathered around him and gazed at the item.

The item was an egg. A very large, golden egg whose surface was crammed full of every jewel all of the goblins could name and then some. Their jaws dropped and Klozzik laughed giddily. Paddykest carefully picked it up and, after handing Klozzik his sack, waddled over to the entrance of the cave. He walked out and hopped into the horse drawn cart. He gently put the egg down before getting out and walking over to the horse. The horse was a smokey grey and called 'Spots'. 

"Y'all right, Spots?" The goblin asked, feeding the horse a sugar cube. The horse just ate quickly.   
Soon, the others came running out, all four sacks stuffed to the brim with gold. The hopped into the cart.

"Let's get out of here!" Nixxle yelled. Paddykest nodded and grabbed the reins, making Spots walk on. Spots was soon trotting down the hill, heading towards a nearby village. They were all singing a rude goblin song at the top of their lungs, growing louder and louder as they approached the village. They soon got glares from villagers, so they quieted down and parked in a nearby stable. Hukput stuffed some of the gold coins into a coin pouch before getting out. They paid the stable lad to stand guard before wandering off in search of the nearest tavern.

They came across one called "The Blue Beauty". The goblins paid little attention to the name and stepped inside. Despite several odd looks that were shot their way, the goblins were in high spirits as they plonked themselves down at an empty table. 

"Bartender!" Paddykest called, thumping his fist against the table top. "Your finest ale in the biggest mugs you have!"

Cheers rang out from the giddy group and, once the drinks started giving them a buzz, they got rowdier and rowdier. Hukput, the most sober of them, glancing idly around and noticed how much dragon's featured in the decorations. From the carvings on the tables to the handle of the mugs to the large paintings on the walls, everything seemed to feature a dragon. One particular dragon. 

A certain aqua blue dragon.

He nudged Paddykest, nearly spilling his drink. "Watch it!" Paddykest snarled, slurring slightly.

"I don't think we should stay long," Hukput whispered. 

"Huh? Why not?" Nixxle asked, pouting.

"Look around," Hukput said, trying to be as subtle as he could. They nearly broke their necks looking around as quickly as they could. Hukput sighed and shook his head. "Notice the dragons? Doesn't it look - familiar?"

They froze and looked back to him slowly. "You're joking," Paddykest said, sobbering up a little.

Hukput shook his head. "Afraid not."

They stared at him for a moment before jumping up. "That's it. We're leaving," Paddykest announced. They quickly gulped down their drinks before walking over to the bartender to pay. Hukput placed several gold coins on the counter. The bartender picked them up and examined them. His face turned red with rage as he recognized the symbol that was etched onto all of the coins. He looked at the goblins in disgust. 

"THIEVES!" He roared in rage. Everyone in the tavern turned to glare at them. 

"RUN!" Paddykest ordered and they bolted, the villagers chasing after them. Soon, more and more villagers chased after them. They reached the stable and quickly jumped into the cart. Paddykest hopped up onto the driver's seat and quickly grabbed the reins.

"Back up, back up!" Klozzik yelled, seeing the villagers closing in.

"It's a bit hard to back up with a horse and cart!" Paddykest shouted back, managing to make Spots turn around before making the horse gallop forward. Those who had been racing towards them jumped out of way to avoid being trampled. Paddykest guided Spots towards the nearest bit of flat grass land, aiming to escape to the next town as fast as possible. He heard the thunder of hooves not far behind and guessed that the villagers were still behind them. He tugged the reins hard, making a sharp turn. 

"They're gaining!" Nixxle reported helpfully.

"I'll try to lose them!" Paddykest said, making Spots gallop faster. Just then, a large shadow was cast over them.

"ISIDUR!" One of the villagers cried. The goblins flinched when Isidur let out an ear splitting shriek. The next village was in sight and Paddykest yanked the reins, deciding to take a detour into the woods, thankfully losing the dragon due to the thick trees. The cart clattered down the rough trail, the bouncing goblins doing their best to not let any treasure fall out of the cart. The horsemen were able to follow them as they thundered down the track. Nixxle and Klozzik grabbed their sharpened sticks and leaned out of the back of the cart, waving the sticks in an attempt to deter the horsemen. 

"Hold on!" Paddykest called as he made a questionable turn that sent them off the path and into the forest, nearly crashing into the trees. After taking several sharp turns that nearly threw either Nixxle or Klozzik from the cart, he managed to lose them. They entered the next village quickly, Paddykest forcing Spots to stop in the middle of the street. 

"Spend as much as you can and come back with plenty of ale!" He instructed them. They nodded and grabbed handfuls of gold coins before leaping out and sprinting into the tavern and surrounding shops. Paddykest waited anxiously, glancing around and expecting the angry villagers to come charging at him any second. There was a loud, animalistic roar that made him jump. He craned his neck to look up as Isidur flew over, its large wings creating strong gusts of wind that rocked the cart. Paddykest held onto the reins tightly, urging his group to hurry up.  
Hukput was the first to come running back to the cart, a bunch of food in his hand. He chucked Paddykest a piece of bread before clambering into the cart, stuffing the food into a bag as Paddykest ate the piece of bread. Klozzik was next, carrying some short swords and a couple of daggers and knives. Hukput took the weaponry from the goblin and stuffed it in a different bag before helping Klozzik into the cart. Nixxle burst out of the tavern, bottles of wine in hand. She leaped into the cart and Paddykest instantly made Spots gallop at full speed, the horse's hooves kicking up dust and startling a couple of nearby locals. 

Once they were out of the village, Isidur caught sight of them again and let out another roar before diving for them. The goblins screamed in an undignified manner before Paddykest took a turn, the cart once again bouncing down the rough forest path. The sound of thundering hooves was once again uncomfortably close. A cork was popped and Nixxle was greedily gulping down the wine. Klozzik joined in, each of them drinking two full size bottles within moments. They then grabbed a short sword each and were once more hanging out of the back of the cart, waving their weapons in the horsemen's faces. 

Flames were shot from their right, setting the trees alight. Paddykest screamed and yanked, the cart breaking out of the quickly burning forest. The cart shot across the ground over which Isidur was hovering above. The dragon bellowed, causing Spots to run faster in panic.

This chase continued for some time, the goblins managing to lose the dragon when entering whatever village they came across. Their gold supply was dwindling and they were progressively getting drunker with each passing village. Klozzik and Nixxle were on the verge of passing out and Paddykest was having a hard time driving the cart. After nearly crashing into a tree, Hukput forced him out of the driver's seat and took control of the reins. Being the only sober one, Hukput was much better at driving than any of the others. Paddykest crawled into the back of the cart, groaning as he was tossed around like a sheep in a hurricane. He managed to grab some of the loose coins and throw them out of the cart. This continued until all the coins had been thrown out of the cart. 

"What have we got left?" Hukput called over the wind. 

Paddykest shook his head and tried to concentrate. "Just the egg, I think."

Hukput nodded to himself and looked around. Coming up to their left was a shallow stream. An idea came to him and he shouted at Paddykest. "Throw the egg in the stream!" He then pointed to the stream. Paddykest was unable to focus, his eyes going blurry and his body unwilling to comply. Nixxle suddenly grabbed the egg from its bag, lifted it high above her head, and then tossed it into the stream. The egg made an almighty splash and was soon out of sigh as Hukput made Spots zoom off. 

Not long after, Isidur landed beside the stream. It gently fished the egg out of the water and held it gently in its claws. The great dragon then turned and bellowed a warning to the goblins (assuming they were still near by) before taking off and flying back to the cave again.

 

Hukput broke out the map with a sigh. "Looks like we can't go here anymore," he said and crossed off all the local villages with a crudely made pencil. "Where to now?"

"Wherever there's ale and adventure!" Paddykest proclaimed, earning him a cheer from Nixxle and Klozzik. Hukput just sighed again.


End file.
